“Oh, you don’t have to get me anything!” I hear this statement non-stop around Christmastime. Stop lying—yes, I do, and without my friends telling me what they want, I am stuck. So, that brings up the question every single year: why is it so hard to find amazing gifts for my friends and family without them telling me what they want?

First of all, let me confess. I am a shopaholic, so I know what is in stores; I also am a spendaholic, and I adore spending money on my friends and family just to show how much I care about them. The only problem is that I usually fail to acquire enough money to actually buy them all the gifts I feel they deserve. I am itching to buy my best friend concert tickets, but sadly I do not have the extra 240 dollars to drop on them. (Sorry, I tried.) So, I am constantly feeling as though I cannot find incredible gifts that will not totally break my bank. Cynthia Ewer of the Organized Christmas website discussed the “unwritten” rules of gift giving. She explains that exchanging gifts must equal the same value, which I obviously struggle with. She also noted that the gifts must extend to all members of a relationship category. (Basically, if one has more than one boyfriend, he or she must get each boyfriend a present.) These secret rules can make gift giving merely impossible for people like me who wish to spend hundreds of dollars on their friends.

I also have this innate desire to give people the most amazing gifts ever, so I refuse to settle on “meh” things they just might like. I buy my grandmother pajamas or slippers every single Christmas. (Seriously, I do not know the last time I bought her anything else.) Mail Online, Daily Mail’s online newspaper, explained that people utilize “overindividuation” in gift giving rather than actually focusing on what their recipients really want. This basically means that people focus on giving gifts that depict the people they love instead of buying them what they actually want.

The Guardian suggests different gifts for people who are difficult to buy for. They suggest “experience” gifts, such as concert tickets or a pass to the zoo. This allows the giver and the receiver to do something together, and the gift keeps giving because the memories you make during the experience will remain forever. They also recommend personalized gifts. This gives one an opportunity to add personality and make a gift even more thoughtful. I mean, anything with my name on it makes me super happy, but that might just be narcissism talking. The Guardian also explained that food is a great gift. Everyone eats food, so why not? And if all else fails, everyone loves music, and Huffington Post suggests upgrading your friends’ online radio accounts, which I assume anyone would love. (No ads sounds super awesome.)

It is about the thought though, right? Regardless of the gifts I buy my friends and family, they usually love them. (Unless they are lying to me.) So, buy what you think they will love, but also do not break your bank in the process. Remember that everyone loves those adorable hug coupons.